


I love love love you

by rydn (peppersyummybreadstick)



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Brendon Urie - Freeform, I think this is gonna be the beta bc im gonna rewrite this, Jon Walker - Freeform, Joncer - Freeform, M/M, Multiple chapters, Ryan Ross - Freeform, Ryden, Spencer Smith - Freeform, beta, especially ryden, it would be so cute, mostly just edit and add more, ryden and joncer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-02-10 12:24:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12911865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppersyummybreadstick/pseuds/rydn
Summary: A few months after the split, Brendon and Spencer decide to go to a Young Veins concert and see how their old friends are doing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ryden is my fav activity btw.

Spencer guided Brendon through the crowd. “Do you think this is really a good idea?” Spencer says as he glances back at Brendon nervously. “There’s still time to just leave and forget he ever existed” 

“Spence, it’s been nine months since we have seen him. I need to see him. Even if it is just in concert and we don’t actually talk. I need this. You know that, you saw me after the break up.” 

“But what if he’s still angry? What if he doesn’t want to see either of us? We don’t know what will happen if he rejects you” Spencer says as they take their seats front row at the Young Veins concert. Brendon doesn’t answer. That was the one question he was hoping Spencer wouldn’t ask. The one question he was afraid of.

What if Ryan didn’t want to see him again? What if Ryan’s eyes landed on Brendon in the crown and called security to escort him out? Brendon knew that was probably the one thing he wouldn’t have been able to take. The one thing that would have made him snap completely once again.

Well that and one other thing. Ryan ignoring him. Ryan pretending that he wasn’t there, that Brendon hadn’t come all this way; pretending that Brendon didn’t matter. That what they had didn’t matter and wasn’t real. A replay of the last time they had been together.

Yeah, Brendon was scared, but this was his last chance to get the best thing that had ever happened to him back and he wasn’t going to just forget about it, he had to try. Ryan meant more to him than anything else in the world, and he would do whatever to get him back.

The Young Veins were only the opening act for some small unknown, but apparently uprising band; both Brendon and Spencer had never heard of them. Ryan and Jon would only be on stage for about an hour, but it was all going to be worth it when Ryan saw Brendon and hopefully was happy to see him. Hopefully.

The lights went down and a strum of the guitar rang out through the venue. Brendon’s heart missed a beat; it was Ryan. Ryan’s soft voice filled the air;

“A part of you left the room. I am left talking to the apple She comes to me when I dream. I'm tired of counting sheep to see her. I sleep because I need her. And everybody knows it but you.” 

Brendon almost passed out, it was too much, being within twenty feet of Ryan again, hearing him sing, watching those fingers, those fingers, create those noises on the guitar. Better than anyone Brendon had ever met before. 

Goddamn and could that boy give a nice fuck. Bottom or top he could make anyone go insane with pleasure. Ryan was exceptionally amazing at topping. He may be shy, but once you’re trapped naked under him he is ruthless for pleasure. Those hips and the way they moved; back and forth or up and down. Brendon remembered all those nights together. Loud and helpless. Headboard hitting the wall. Brendon lived for those moments he could let loose with Ryan and just have fun. 

The nights they shared on the bus in their little bunk beds. Snuggling against a warm body and a cold hard bus wall. His breath on Brendon’s neck, a small mumble of “I love you, Bren,” under his breath. An “I love you, too, Ryan,” whispered back in the dark. They used to make out in their bunks too, trying to be quiet and hold still enough to be discrete, but always failing. What had happened to them? The passion? All the love they had for each other had fallen apart.

Brendon watched in aw at the man who he had turned down. It really had been a long time since they had been together. Ryan had grown up, he didn’t look like a little boy anymore, he was starting to really grow up, grow up and grow out of his phase of Panic! At the Disco. Again, it became too much and Brendon almost cried, all those memories of Cape Town flooding back into him.

“Are you alright Bren? We can leave if this is too much,” Spencer said worriedly again.

“Yeah, just everything coming back so fast with him right there. He really has got more wit.  
A better kiss. A hotter touch, a better fuck than any boy I’d ever met. Or will ever meet for that matter.” 

Spencer didn’t know what to say so he just sighed sadly and went back to watching Jon onstage. Jon and Spencer had had a secret fling, though nothing anywhere near the seriousness of Ryan and Brendon. They had the occasional make out session in venue closests and deep conversations in the bus on nights when everyone else was asleep. On hotel nights, they would fuck into the small hours of the morning, and stay up cuddling, and smoking weed until it was time for the day to start.

Their relationship was very lowkey and simple, always on the DL, no one knew about it. Except for Ryan. Ryan knew. Spencer had told him when it first started, Spencer and Ryan told each other everything, it was just how their friendship worked. Once their relationship started growing and becoming more than a safe and satisfying fuck, Jon and Spencer agreed it would be better for everyone for this to be their own little secret. 

Even now, Brendon didn’t know about their relationship, which was still going strong. It was how he had been able to get front row tickets to the sold out show. Jon had promised not to tell Ryan about them coming, it would potentially ruin the concert for everyone else if Ryan refused to go on stage because of Brendon. Not to mention, it make it impossible for Brendon to even see Ryan.

Ryan still hadn’t noticed Brendon and Spencer who were quite literally less than twenty feet away from him. Gosh, Ryan was such a dumb fuck sometimes. 

“I usually don’t like to dedicate songs to people, but I think I want to dedicate this to a certain old friend of mine. He, well, he’s really special to me and I haven’t seen him in quite a while. You’d know him if you saw him, can’t forget those lips, god knows I can’t,” Ryan says with a certain sadness in his voice. “Anyway, I wanna dedicate this song to him, Love me, love me. Say that you love me. I can’t care about anything but you.”

Brendon loses his breath, he sits down. Tears are now streaming down his face as Ryan sings his song. “He told me in Cape Town that he could never forget my lips no matter how far apart we were,” Brendon sobs into his hands.

“I saw you.  
“I met you.  
“I loved you.  
“I left you in Cape Town.” 

Fuck it was that song. The song. And of course, it was right then Ryan got the courage to actually look into the crowd. Finally to admire his fans. His eyes land on Brendon sitting in his chair. Broken. Falling apart. Dissolving. 

Ryan’s voice choked but he covered it perfectly with a loud strum on his guitar. Why was Brendon there? His Brendon. There, breaking. Ryan couldn’t do anything about it; he had a set to play. Only four more songs and then he could get Brendon backstage. Just to talk?

When Brendon finally regained himself enough to look up again, Ryan was staring at him. Their eyes locked. Ryan muffled a smile into microphone as he kept singing. Brendon noticed and took it as a signal that this was going somewhere. They were going to meet up after the show. Brendon started shaking all over, he was excited, nervous, and scared as shit.

Right after their break up, Brendon had gotten together with a few guys and a few girls For those first two months, give or take a bit, Brendon had been with and fucked so many people that he had lost count. Since then, he had not been with a single other person. He had simply waited for Ryan, and Ryan’s time had come once again.


	2. New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon and Ryan have a little fun backstage...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. This took forever to write. I hope you enjoy it!!

Ryan pulled Brendon through backstage and straight into his own dressing room. “I’ve missed your skin,” Ryan moaned, tugging the hem of Brendon’s shirt up. He wanted that shirt off of Brendon and on the floor; he wanted to see every inch of Brendon he could as there was no way to know when they could next be together. However long it was going to be, they both knew it was going to be too long.

“It’s been so long. Too long. Can’t let this happen again,” Brendon whispered as Ryan took a step back to unbutton his shirt and catch his breath.

“Oh shut up, I missed you too, you know?” Ryan pushed Brendon back onto the couch. He attacked Brendon’s mouth with his own, biting down softly and sucking on Brendon’s bottom lip. Brendon moaned under Ryan, he loved it when Ryan did that. Brendon kissed back, harder than he usually did, and that made Ryan make a mental note to ask what he had been up too while they were apart.

Ryan was straddling Brendon, sitting on top of him and keeping him firmly in place. There was no way he was letting Brendon leave when he had him just where he wanted him. Ryan slowly started to grind his crotch down onto the boy’s beneath him, already feeling himself, and the other boy getting hard. 

“I’m topping tonight, and you’re going to love it,” Ryan whispered into Brendon’s ear.

Brendon moaned, he love Ryan’s “dirty talk” (he still resembled that awkward teenager he was when the two of them met); he never quite knew what to say, but it always worked on Brendon. Ryan kissed Brendon’s collarbone, slowly moving down his chest to his belly button, and finally the top of his pants. With one swift movement, Ryan had Brendon’s pants on the floor and Brendon squirming underneath him, ready for whatever Ryan would do with him.

Ryan kissed the tip of Brendon’s cock. He moved his mouth and took Brendon’s entire cock into his mouth, bobbing up and down. With his tongue moving, his mouth moving, and a hand cupping Brendon’s balls, Ryan felt Brendon shudder: he was close. Ryan moved off Brendon’s cock with a pop, and a string of precome to connect his lips to Brendon’s cock. He licked his lips and smiled.

Ryan stood up and started to slowly undo his own pants, the longer it took, the better. Make Brendon wait… it’d make the sex so much better.

“Don’t do this to me Ry, please don’t. I’ve waited long enough. Oohhhh”

Ryan lowered himself onto the other boy, his arms above Brendon’s head, and his eyes staring deep into his lover’s. He slid a hand down by their cocks, grabbed Brendon’s and stroked it softly. Brendon squirmed beneath him and started bucking his hips up. Ryan took that as an invitation to slide his other hand behind Brendon’s ass and push his finger in while awkwardly kneeling above him. There was supposed to be no rush, except all of this was rushed. The finger was only in to the first knuckle, and it still drove Brendon absolutely insane. Ryan put another two fingers in and wiggled them back and forth. He pulled them out- almost all the way- and then pushed them back in.

“Oohhaghhh.”

They started moving together, a fast, and satisfying rhythm. Ryan pulled his fingers out, and covered his cock with lube. He positioned the younger boy’s legs on around himself, so Brendon hooked his feet together; Ryan wasn’t getting away now. Ryan pushed into Brendon.

“Oh Bren… you’re so tight.”

Brendon moaned and bucked his hips up to meet Ryan’s thrusting. They found their rhythm again: fast and hard. Both of them needed this more than they knew. It had really been too long, and whether or not they wanted to admit it, they needed each other.

Ryan leaned forward to touch his lips to the younger boy’s neck; they slowed down. He gently kissed his neck before attaching his mouth and creating a hickey for the rest of the world to see -- Brendon and Ryan still weren’t out of the spotlight. Ryan was marking what was his, and nothing was going to take it away from him this time.

When Ryan was satisfied with his work, he moved back up and thrusted harder than ever into Brendon. It drove him insane. Brendon came in hard spirts; first landing on Ryan’s stomach, then dripping down onto his own. He had come without the other boy working his cock as they fucked. It was simply magic. 

Just seeing Brendon’s face of absolute, and pure pleasure, and hearing Brendon moan his name as he came, set Ryan over the edge. Ryan came, filling Brendon up. He rode it out, shoving into Brendon three more times before collapsing next to him onto the couch. 

As Ryan cuddled into Brendon, feeling his own come drip out of Brendon, he said “I love you.”

And Brendon said “I love you too.”

\--

The laid there for a while in each others’ arms coming down. Neither of them had ever felt anything so satisfying, and both of them felt whole again. Ryan was already dozing off, a show and the best fuck of his life all in two hours? Exhausting. Brendon, however, was still awake. Awake enough to think about what had just happened. They have gotten back together...kind of… Was this a one time thing? Or, did Ryan want to stay together forever after this? Brendon shook Ryan awake.

“Ry… Ryan.. Babe, wake up!” Ryan wouldn’t wake up fast enough, so Brendon climbed onto him and started kissing his neck. That definitely woke Ryan up.

“Woah. I didn’t know we would be going this much if we got back together.”

“Oh. Are we really back together?” Brendon sounded doubtful.

“Yes, as long as you want to…” Ryan whispered, unsure.

With that, Brendon leaned down and kissed Ryan sweetly on the lips. Ryan took that as a yes. 

Yes forever.

\--

With that, Spencer and Jon burst into the room.

“Ew I can smell that you two fucked,” Spencer said.

“Haha, not to mention, we heard it. All of it. Next time, try to be quite,” Jon smirked.

Both Brendon and Ryan blushed immensely before demanding Spencer and Jon find a room of their own. When they left, Brendon kissed Ryan again. They fell asleep in each others’ arms feeling safe, and in love with the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, so that was chapter two!! Should I continue? or should I just leave it at this? I have some ideas for another chapter, but I'm not sure I want to write it. It might not be great... anyway yeah... sorry this took forever I just couldn't get the words right?
> 
> Also check out my Tumblr- panicwithryan


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their lil secret is announced....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY finished the third chapter!!! yay. accomplishments... anyway I hope its good? I think I have an actual plan now, and it's a little different than the original, but I think I like this enough to continue it (which I wasn't going to do)

~three years later~

Ryan opened his eyes slowly, and sighed, on this particular saturday morning: it was the day, and he didn’t know if he was ready. Just then, Ryan felt a hand move through the covers of his bed to grab his hand; Brendon had sensed that he was awake. 

Today was the day they were going to announce their relationship to the rest of the world. Not exactly announce it, but they were to appear in public together as a “couple”.

Of course, many fans assumed they were still together, or ignored the fact they were ever apart because it was too much pain for them to comprehend Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie not being together. Either way, both were immensely nervous.

“Hey baby, it’s okay. We will get through this,” Brendon whispered into Ryan’s ear.

“Okay. But what if we don’t? What if one of us freaks out like last time? And we are broken up again, and forced into secrecy? This could go so terribly wrong. What if the world says I don’t love you because I was an asshole in the past, and we are just doing for the publicity, because I really do love you more than I can explain… you’re Brendon, my Brendon and no one can change that because I-” 

Brendon cut him off. “Calm down Ry. Take a deep breath. I love you.” With that, Ryan hugged Brendon, whispering a thank you in to Brendon’s ear before planting a kiss on his lips. 

~

After that certain Young Veins concert, Ryan and Brendon had been steadily seeing each other in private. Ryan would arrive first at their meeting spot, whether it was an apartment kept under fake a name in a small city, or some sketchy motel in a remote town, where he would wait for Brendon to arrive for their “date”.

When Brendon would arrive, they would snuggle up in front of a TV, and watch movies together, occasionally making out or fucking. Sometimes, Ryan would arrive extra early with candles and nice food for them to share as a romantic dinner. And of course, Brendon would reward him. 

Even though this was an amazing time for both of them, they began to feel restricted with their “dates”. Both Ryan and Brendon wanted to have more freedom with each other; they wanted the world to know. They wanted to go to the movies together and make out during the scary parts; to hold hands in public; to kiss on the park bench; to be real, not just ot themselves, but to the world.

The only catch was their previous relationship, which had ended brutally: with a split of one of the biggest bands of their time, and more than just their hearts broken. It had been more than just Ryan and Brendon breaking up; Jon and Spencer being forced to keep their relationship even more private.

~

Jon and Spencer were getting married on the day Brendon and Ryan were telling the world of their relationship; they would be going together as a couple, and when asked about their relationship status, they decided to be honest. The grooms both knew this was happening, they invited Ryan and Brendon knowing, and encouraging this; even went as far to make them both the Best Men of the wedding. 

For months, Jon tried to convince Brendon to tell the world about his relationship with Ryan, but Brendon knew that Ryan wasn’t ready. Ryan was sensitive, secretive, he always hid his true self unless he was with someone he truly loved and trusted. How could Ryan trust and love the entire world?

~

The bathroom door opened and Ryan emerged with a cloud of steam like the bad guy in an animated Disney film revealing themself to the heroes who are “ready” to fight. Brendon was amazed at how sexy Ryan was standing there in his dress pants, shirtless. Just as he went to kiss him, Ryan thrust his ice-cold wet hands onto Brendon’s stomach.

“EEEEEHHH!!!!!!” Brendon screamed. “What did you do that for??” Slightly annoyed.

Ryan could barely get the words out, he was laughing so much. “You’re always really hot when I surprise you like that. Hahaa.”

Brendon mumbled a “whatever” before kissing Ryan, this time actually making it to his mouth. It was a slow, passionate kiss. Brendon had his hand on Ryan’s cheek, and Ryan had his hand on Brendon’s hip. It was perfect. 

When Brendon broke the embrace, he moved his hands to Ryan’s shoulders and quickly turned him toward the bed, shoving him down onto it, and climbing on top. Ryan barely made an attempt to push him off at first.

“Bren… Bren.. ouuuuhf,” Ryan was trying to get Brendon off. “You’ll wrinkle my pants!”

“I’d hardly consider that payback for how times you’ve made me have a wrinkle in my pants.”

Ryan’s eyes widened before he giggled. “Later Bren, later,” Ryan rolled out from beneath Brendon, and dashed to the other side of the room to get fully dressed. Brendon went into the steamy bathroom, closing the door behind him to get ready for the wedding.

~

The wedding was beautiful, the decorations perfect, and the first dance between Spencer and Jon was as romantic as could be. The grooms were both in black suits, but their ties were different colors, which coordinated with the other’s socks, and flowers around the venue.

As Brendon and Ryan were both the Best Men of the wedding, and attending it together, they also matched, though it wasn’t as low-key as Jon and Spencer. Ryan had on a dark blue suit with a silver dress shirt, and silver trim. The silver seemed to glow off of the dark blue. Also, if you looked close enough, Ryan had a hint of yellow eyeshadow on, but the day was bright enough to blind everyone enough not to see it.

Brendon was wearing a deep yellow dress shirt over a pair of navy blue, almost black, dress pants. He was also wearing a bow-tie that matched Ryan’s jacket: dark, dark blue with a silver core. The two perfectly complemented each other as usual with Ryan’s awkward tallness, and Brendon’s charismatic composure.

~

“Hey guys!” Jon and Spencer Walker-Smith walked to the other couple together, hand in hand, beaming. 

“I see you two are very happy,” Brendon said.

Spencer smiled. “Oooh yeah, you know it, Baby!” He winked.

Jon turned red, “Already cheating on me, eh?”

Now it was Spencer’s turn to turn red, “Haaa well… You never know…”

“Anyway, how are you two doing? Not too much excitement finally letting the secret out?”

“Well, um actually, I think our outfits are scaring people away, but I do think people are a little surprised we are together,” Ryan said, blushing.

“I think people don’t believe it, and when they do, they’ll shit themselves,” Brendon laughed, knowing how obsessed some fans were about their relationship.

The four of them talked a few more minutes before “Time to Dance” came over the sound system, and they all knew it really was time for them to dance. So, the four of them made a small circle and danced their asses off for the entire song. It was nice to have the four of them back together.


	4. Dorothy, and a Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's date night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I here's chapter 4, im working on chapter 5 and more right now! I have big plans!! I hope you enjoy this chapter, especially because it took me forever to write, and I have a lot of cool stuff coming up!! idk man but here it is.

“Honey I think we should adopt a baby.”

Spencer looked up confused.

“Jon… we are both barely functioning adults, how could we possibly take care of another human?”

“I don’t know that, but I do know we can figure this out, just like our relationship. We can do this. Together,” Jon said as he crawled into Spencer’s lap. Spencer was a sucker for cuddling. They sat there together for a few minutes in silence, Jon snuggled up in Spencer’s lap; neither knew what to say; both we nervous, excited.

“We should name her Dorothy,” Spencer said with a smile.

Jon beamed, that was a lot easier than he had anticipated, and the comment had come out of nowhere, but he was totally okay with a daughter named Dorothy. More than okay, he loved the idea. Jon turned around and gave Spencer a big kiss on the mouth before whispering “thank you” in his ear. 

Spencer smiled, picked Jon up, and carried him into their bedroom to celebrate the new step in their life together. 

~

Brendon and Ryan were excited, but not at all surprised that their best friends were adopting a baby girl; it was so obvious how in love Jon and Spencer were. It was almost sickening. 

It took Jon and Spencer almost seven months to actually adopt the baby girl, and by then she was almost seven months old. Her original name was Nicole, but since Spencer was in love with the name Dorothy, that’s what they called her.

She was a beautiful baby, and looked eerily like a love child of Spencer and Jon. Big eyes, just like Jon, but a bluish-grey like Spencer. Dark brown hair, and a squishy looking nose perfect for “booping” (as “Uncle” Bren liked to do). 

Dorothy was an instant hit with “Uncle” Ry and “Uncle” Bren. They loved to play with her, put sparkles in her hair, and they bought her too many pairs of adorable baby shoes. If any baby was spoiled, it would be Dorothy Walker-Smith; if any baby was a happy one, it would be Dorothy Walker-Smith.

By 9 months, Dorothy could sit up all by herself, hold spoons to hit the floor, and screech in a beautiful “singing” voice Uncle Bren had been teaching her. Spencer would always argue she was really a drummer in training, definitely not a vocalist. And she really was a musical baby; having Panic! At the Disco be your dads and uncles really gave you an advantage in the music world. Dorothy was going to be one talented kid.

By 11 months, Dorothy was saying things like “Unc Ry”, “Unc Bwen”, and “Hiiiiiiii!!!!”. Her first word was, of course, “disco”, it made Brendon laugh real hard, because it sounded more like “deescoo”. Having two dads was a little bit confusing for Dorothy, and she just called both of them dad; it pleased her very much to scream “DAD!!!” and have both of her dads come running to see what she needed. 

Ryan was slowly falling in love with the idea of getting married and having kids with Brendon. He was sure Brendon was The One; he always had been, ever since the very first day Brendon played with Panic!, Ryan had been a little bit in love. And okay, “a little bit in love” is very much an understatement: Ryan was head over heels in love with Brendon, with his Brendon.

Brendon was Ryan’s perfect: a loving, little bit insane, guy who was also insanely attractive, AND he loved Ryan with all his heart. What wasn’t there to love about him? Nothing. Ryan started thinking about what their life together could be like as Brendon and Ryan Urie, or Ryan and Brendon Ross, and he decided that was what he wanted his life to be, and he wouldn’t have it any other way, even for the whole world.

~

It was Dorothy’s first birthday: March 22. Jon and Spencer threw a party for her. They didn’t believe in gender stereotypes, and they let Dorothy play with whatever she wanted, and like whatever color she pleased, so the party wasn’t pink themed; it wasn’t blue themed; it was yellow themed. Beautiful pale yellows, deep and dark yellows, and cream colors to tie it all together. Sweet little Dorothy loved it. 

Seeing the yellow made Ryan think of the old sun and moon thing that he and Brendon used to do together; he was the moon, all dark and mysterious, but a light in the dark times (at least for Brendon); Brendon the sun, bringing joy and light into everyone’s lives. Just the color itself reminded Ryan of how much he loved Brendon.

Ryan loved watching Brendon play with little Dorothy; gicing her small objects to hold, and smiling uncontrollably like he accomplished something amazing- and he did, he had captured Ryan’s heart. Ryan knew he could never let Brendon go. 

After the birthday party, Ryan and Brendon went home, full of cake, and faces sore from smiling so much.

“That was really fun,” Ryan said in a slightly awkward tone.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to have a family of my own,” Brendon took his eyes off of the road for a split second to eye Ryan out of the corner of his eye. Butterflies roared in Ryan’s stomach. 

They were silent the rest of the ride home, but neither one could get that smile off their face.

~

Later, when they got home, Ryan went straight for the shower; he always did his best thinking in the shower. The warm water running over him, the steam clearing his head, it would always help him.

Ryan eyes were closed and he was deep in thought about how he was going to take their relationship one step further: he was going to ask Brendon to marry him, though it wasn’t going to be any stupid, half assed proposal, he was going to go the whole nine yards and prepare a fancy dinner and date for the two. At the end of the romantic night, he would pop the question. 

~

“You know, you don’t have to do all this to impress me, a nice little movie night in where no one will see us would be nice. We could watch...mm… some good straight trash of fifty shades and fuck when they fuck. OR! Even better, we could watch Aladdin and fuck during that movie’s scary parts…” Brendon said.

Ryan choked down a laugh, “man, you really wanna get laid, haha.” His phone dinged, and he pulled it out, sending a quick(ish) text to someone.

“Umm, what was that…? This is our date!” Brendon was a little upset Ryan was texting someone else on their special date night, but decided to let it go after Ryan said: “You’ll see,” Grinning into the ground. 

Brendon laughed as he took Ryan’s hand, and rubbed this thumb over his bony knuckles. With their hands now together, Ryan led his boyfriend across the street and up a sketchy staircase into what seemed to be a not so safe apartment complex.

At first, Brendon was confused… this was not the “romantic date” he was expecting. He had expected a nice restaurant and expensive champagne, maybe some place where the people would be “too respectable” to know who the two emo rock stars were. Not a small shitty apartment that some weirdo probably made drugs in. But before the staircase turned into THAT kind of apartment, it let to a balcony overlooking a courtyard with romantic lights crisscrossing the sky, and beautiful music with beautiful couples waltzing. 

Brendon was speechless. It was breathtaking. “How did YOU manage to find this place?” it was so unlike Ryan to be super romantic.

“I didn’t. I put it all together.

“With a little help.”

Even more surprising to Brendon.

With that, Brendon pulled Ryan into a hug and kissed him on the lips, trailing down to his jawline, and whispering “it’s perfect.” Ryan smiled into the kiss, more than happy Brendon liked it. Brendon stood there for a moment breathing in his boyfriend, and Ryan let him. It was nice.

Together, holding hands, they walked down the inside stairs, past the dancefloor, and and sat at a table with lit candles, and a vase filled with roses. 

Just then, Spencer came out of nowhere dressed in a very nice suit, a napkin draped over his arm. 

“And what would you two gents like to drink tonight? We have a chardin-”

“Oh my god Spence, cut the act. Haha, you can act normal.” Brendon interrupted him.

Spencer put on a confused face, “I don’t know who this ‘Spence’ is that you speak of, sir.”

“Aw come on budd-,” Ryan poked Brendon’s leg, and Brendon shut up.

They ordered a white wine and the “Chef’s Special”.

(Brendon was pretty sure the chef was actually Jon). 

(He was right). 

(Did Jon actually know how to cook? That’s debatable).

Brendon stared into Ryan’s eyes, waiting for the perfect amount of awkwardness to declare his love. Apparently, Ryan could take a lot of awkwardness, especially Brendon staring loving at him. After about five minutes of silence, Brendon said, “So, there’s got to be a reason you’ve put all this together. I mean other than your undying love for me. OH are you pregnant? I’ve always wanted a child with you!”

By this time, Ryan was bright red. Brendon didn’t know he had gotten it almost spot on: Ryan’s plan was to marry Brendon and then adopt with him.

“I didn’t know you could get the preggos being a top…” he paused, “IS IT NOT MINE?” Brendon laughed.

“Haha, you got me! And yes, you can get ‘the preggos’ as the top. If I was pregnant, it would definitely be yours; I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Brendon choked, and was taken aback by Ryan’s sudden confidence, but decided he was into it. 

Just then, the music stopped playing, the lights went out, and it was silent for ten seconds; no movement. Brendon nervously eyed Ryan, but Ryan was looking elsewhere, completely comfortable.

A light flickered on in the corner of Brendon’s eye: it was a projector! Cinderella’s castle was shown, fireworks illuminating the sky behind it at Aladdin flew by on his magic carpet. Brendon squealed. “I love this movie!”

Brendon shot his hand out to grab Ryan’s hand, holding it tight, as if he never wanted to let go- and he didn’t. Ryan smiled to himself, and whispered: “We can’t fuck during the scary parts, that comes later.”

~

“I’m not sure I would eat Jon’s ‘Gourmet Grilled Cheese and Tom-ahhh-to Soup’ again… Not that it was bad, it was just Jon… who knows how much weed he put in it!” Brendon laughed.

Ryan replied with an elbow to Brendon’s ribs as they walked side by side, hand in hand, towards the next part of their date. Brendon had no idea where they were going, everything was up to Ryan, who was usually bad at directions, so it only took about ten minutes for them to get completely lost. Neither knew how to get back to anywhere familiar, so they decided to ask a complete stranger for directions. Though, to this person, Ryan and Brendon weren’t strangers.

“Hey aren’t you two from Panic in the disco?” 

“No.”

“Really, I could have sworn you were Brendon Ross, and Ryan Urie.” Ryan’s stomach flopped at the sound of their last names switched.

“Nope never heard of-”

“Hey Mary, is this panic in the disco?” The stranger yelled behind him.

A short girl staggered from a dark doorway towards the group of three. “Yeah that’s them the band that makes shitty and mainstream music and everyone knew they were fucking before they told everyone,” she stumbled back through the door.

Ryan was hurt by her words. Their music was NOT shitty. It was NOT mainstream: the world had never heard anything like his words before. And yeah, maybe they were together during Panic! but that’s besides the point. That was their business and no one else’s. They didn’t have to share their relationship with the world.

Brendon started to angrily walk away, fists balled. Ryan was stuck in place for a few seconds before flipping off the stranger, and quickly following Brendon. Ryan tried to take Brendon’s hand, but he ripped it out of his boyfriend’s grip, so instead, Ryan grabbed Brendon by the hips, pulling Brendon to himself. Brendon stiffened before loosening to his touch. Ryan turned Brendon around, and holding him by the shoulders, pushed him back against the alley wall, attacking his face with his mouth. Brendon was surprised, but delighted and started kissing Ryan back just before Ryan pulled back and whispered “Let’s figure out how to get home.”

Brendon nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay!! that was fun. Get ready for smut in 5 (maybe if I can get it right)  
> also check out my Tumblr: panicwithryan!! sometimes I post updates about my fics, but I also have a lot of cool bandom stuff. idk man.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHh sorry this took forever. I took more time to plan out the rest of the fic. There's going to be a chapter 6, then an epilogue.   
> also I put this in the tags, but im going to rewrite this, or at least heavily edit and add some stuff. idk I like the idea of the fic but I think its been poorly written.  
> anyway, enjoy this chapter!

At home, they stopped in their kitchen for a quick glass of wine, just a small bit of small talk between them. Brendon already had a noticeable boner, Ryan was eyeing it, and starting to get a boner of his own.

The sexual tension in the air became too much for Ryan, so he grabbed Brendon’s glass of wine from his hand, setting it in the sink behind him as he leaned over to Brendon, and kissed him hard. He pushed his soon-to-be-fiance against their fridge, pinning him with his weight, palming Brendon’s hard cock through his pants. Brendon moaned. 

Ryan stopped kissing Brendon, still pinned against the fridge, to whisper: “Go get ready, I’ll be there in a minute. Shower, and get clean so I can make you dirty again.” Brendon gulped, nodded, and headed towards the bathroom quickly. 

Ryan didn’t actually want Brendon to get ready, he wanted to surprise Brendon, and fuck him from behind in the shower. He washed the wine glasses, and took a deep breath before heading to the bathroom. 

Ryan went into the bathroom, fully clothed, and knocked on the doorway on his way in. Brendon looked up.

“Hey.” 

Ryan slowly unbuttoned his shirt, left it wide open, and bent to untie his shoes and take off his socks. When his shoes and socks were off, he started to undo his pants and slowly slide them down his long legs, his boner obvious and trying to escape his boxer shorts. After his pants were down, and his boxers uncomfortably tight, he slid his white dress shirt down his long, skinny arms and pulled his undershirt over his head. 

By now, Brendon was moaning with anticipation. Ryan was slowly stripping in front of him, as he waited, naked in the shower, for Ryan to come and fuck him. 

“You’re not allowed to touch your cock until I say so. Hands above your head,” Ryan said. Brendon did as he was told, finding it incredibly hot how dominant Ryan was acting. 

Finally, Ryan pulled his boxers down, staring Brendon in the eyes. Brendon groaned again. 

Ryan stood up straight, opened the glass door, and immediately went to kiss Brendon. It was soft, and slow, and passionate in the beginning, then quickened in pace, getting rougher and rougher. Ryan sucked Brendon’s lower lip into his mouth. Their cocks brushed together between them.

“Need you i-inside m-e,” Brendon moaned as Ryan’s hand snaked around behind him, finding his hole and rubbing it over until finally pushing into it with one finger all the way past the second knuckle. 

Ryan started to move his finger around, opening Brendon up for his cock, and Brendon melted into his touch, leaning his head on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan pulled his one finger out most of the way, and added a second finger before pushing it back in. Brendon whined into Ryan’s shoulder.

As he was twisting his fingers to the side, Ryan leaned his head down, and bit Brendon on the neck before licking over it and sucking down. He was leaving his mark. Brendon quivered beneath him. 

Ryan pulled his fingers out quickly, surprising Brendon. Brendon wasn’t too happy about this and started to protest. Ryan shut him up by turning him around to face the white tiles of the shower wall. “Brace yourself.”

Brendon did as he was told, again, and then spread his legs, opening himself up ever further for Ryan. 

Ryan took this as an invitation to get down on his knees and eat Brendon out, placing a hand on each of Brendon’s asscheeks to spread them. Brendon jerked in surprise, and hissed as his chest met the cold tiles. Ryan removed a hand, and slid it around to Brendon’s front to slowly started to stroke his hard cock; his hand moved to cup his balls, lightly tugging on the stretched skin. 

Ryan pulled back, ceasing to touch Brendon. Brendon whined, he needed Ryan inside of him right now. Ryan stood a little back from Brendon, slowly caressing his own cock, and positioning it an inch or so from Brendon’s hole. Without warning, he pushed in, grabbing Brendon’s hips and pulling them straight towards his own hips. 

Brendon groaned, sticking his ass out further to get more of Ryan. Ryan pulled out most of the way, and then slammed back into Brendon, as Brendon pushed his ass further out to meet Ryan. They started a slow, steady rhythm, quickening it fast. Ryan only needed one hand to steady himself, so he placed the other on Brendon’s leaking cock. It was only a matter of seconds before Ryan came inside of Brendon, groaning into his shoulder, and placing another bite next to the first one. The feeling of Ryan coming insdie of him set Brendon over the edge, and Brendon came just seconds after Ryan, Ryan’s fist pumping on his hard cock. 

When they had their wits somewhat back, Ryan pulled his spent cock out of Brendon. Brendon moaned from the sting. He felt empty. Brendon turned around, and the two collapsed on each other as the shower water started to go cold.

~

Later that night, they were lying on the couch together, watching some good trash TV, both were calm after the bad encounter with a “fan” and some amazing shower sex. Ryan nuzzled his face into Brendon’s shoulder and whispered “Will you marry me?”

Brendon was a little surprised: he knew Ryan love him, but he didn’t know Ryan wanted to take the next step in their relationship too. Brendon had been looking for a way to approach the subject with Ryan for months, and was not only glad they were on the same page, but that Ryan had brought it up. 

“I mean yeah.. I’d love to. I love you.” Brendon said.

Ryan smiled, and squealed, hugging Brendon and almost suffocating him with excitement and kisses. 

~

“-yeah no, he asked me! Crazy, I know right. I thought Ryan hated me, he’s so-” Brendon laughed as Ryan elbowed his side. They were on a double-date lunch with Jon and Spencer to share the exciting news. Dorothy was now almost 18 months old, and she was going to preschool three days a week; today was one of those days.

“Holy shit the media, and fans, they are gonna freak,” Spencer eyed Ryan nervously. Ryan’s biggest issue with being famous was the crazy fans, the people obsessed with him. He got uncomfortable with how people knew everything about him, and stalked him with no regards for how it made him feel. He didn’t like being in the spotlight and having everyone taking pictures of him. It felt too weird and unnatural.

“Yep, that’s why it’s going to be a secret wedding with pretty much only you two and Pete,” Ryan said.

Brendon smirked, he knew Ryan wasn’t one for the crowds, well unless he was on stage. “If Pete is coming, then Mikey absolutely has to. And if Mikey’s coming then Gee and Frank have to too. And if they’re all coming, we might as well have an actual wedding. A small one. Because my family is going to come. At least my mom and dad,” Brendon looked at Ryan.

“Yeah okay let’s have a guest list of,” Ryan paused, counting, “ like eight! Yeah. Yeah. I can do that. Let’s do it.” He turned to Brendon, placing his hand on his forearm.   
They finished lunch, and Brendon and Ryan got up, each hugging Jon and Spencer as they congratulated them once again; they walked to their car hand in hand, fully aware there were people in public who might see them. At this point, they didn’t care, they were getting married in a few months, and even if that would lie low, they certainly wouldn’t let their love lie low anymore. 

Once in the car, they couldn’t hold it together anymore, Ryan reached a hand into Brendon’s pants, grabbing Brendon’s dick, and started to run his fingers along his length.. Brendon’s breath hitched. He wasn’t expecting that. 

“RYAN not now. Please. I want to. Just can we wait until we get home. Then we can do anything. Everything.”

“You’re no fun,” Ryan whined, not removing his hand, just ending the movement.

Brendon sighed and started driving over the speed limit in effort to get home as soon as possible: he desperately needed Ryan’s mouth. Now.

“So, I was thinking we could do a Vegas wedding, ya know, like in one of the sleazy wedding chapels like from those hangover movies. It’d also bring us home. Not that either of us want to go there that much” Ryan said, hand still on Brendon’s dick, still not moving, eyes looking into his fiance’s.

Brendon turned his head, trying to keep a serious face, “If that’s what you want, hun.”

Ryan burst out laughing, which caused his hand to tighten on Brendon’s dick, making the car swerve. “HUN, I was joking. Let’s not do that. Let’s do something foreign, and overseas, like Mexico!”

It was Brendon’s turn to laugh. “What. How the fuck did you get through high school?”

With the straightest face he could muster, Ryan said “I sucked so much dick.” Brendon laughed again, it was obvious Ryan had been the least sexual high school kid known to man. 

Brendon knew Ryan hadn’t actually lost his virginity until Panic! was recording their first album. 

He and Ryan had stayed late to record. Alone. One thing led to another, and before they knew what was happening, they were sweaty and close to passing out on the couch. The next day, Everyone had pretended not to know what had happened, but the two were so obvious. Not to mention, a few new stains on the couch, and the two hadn’t changed clothes. 

“I’m sure you did,” Brendon took his eyes off the road to meet Ryan’s before looking down at his aching cock and back to the road.

A few minutes later, they got home, barely making it through the door before collapsing on each other, kissing and suffocating with lust. Ryan’s hand only left Brendon’s pants to exit their car. 

~

The next couple of weeks were filled with hours and hours of the planning of their wedding. Did they actually want to go somewhere fancy? Would there be live music? Who would marry them? And of course, what date would they choose? Jon and Spencer would come over every few days to help plan, or just give them a break; they knew the stress of planning a wedding was the final test for a couple. 

“Guys, lets go camping,” Spencer said out of nowhere, one weekend as the four of them were hard at work planning.

“What about your kid?” Brendon seemed concerned.

Jon shrugged and looked to Spencer. “Eh, there’s always Pete and Mikey. I’m sure they’d love to take care of her.” They nodded to each other. 

The rest of the day was spent researching camping spots and gear to collect for their trip. They decided to leave in two days.

~

(in the car)

“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Ryan looked nervous as Spencer sped along the dirt path. 

“Yeah totally I’ve been here a million times I-” 

Jon cut him off, “Babe shut up, you got lost on the way home from the grocery store last weekend.”

Spencer blushed. “I was DISTRACTED, how was I supposed to focus with what you were doing right next to me?”

“Okay! Okay! SHHHH! I thought we agreed to not discuss that shit today and tomorrow. We don’t need to know how much ya’ll fuck and you don’t want to know how much we fuck.” Brendon said.

“As if it’s more than us,” Spencer said smugly.

Ryan bragged: “Usually about four to five nights a week, and once to three times each of those nights.” Brendon went red. Ryan wasn’t lying.

“No fuckin’ way,” Jon breathed.

“You’re right. The fucking Ways fuck Pete and Frank,” Ryan joked.

“Oh my god shut up you guys,” Brendon barely got it out he was laughing so hard.

A few minutes went by in the silence of some random song none of them actually knew.

Ryan suddenly started speaking. “Wait Spence, that’s the turn off over there. Go! Go! Go!” he pointed across the road to a another road, that looked smaller and bumpier. Spencer turned onto the road.

About an hour later, they decided they were lost. Ryan was wrong. It hadn’t been the turn off, and now, six turns and who knows how many miles later, they were going to be hopelessly lost in the wilderness. 

“Great, now you’ve got us lost,” Jon said, annoyed.

Brendon tried to be excited even though he was scared in their current situation, he wasn’t one who liked being lost in the middle of nowhere. “Guys its fine, let’s just drive back a little until we find a spot to camp, it’ll be fine.” 

Spencer sighed, but turned around the car and started driving slowly back the way they came. No one said a word.

About fifteen minutes later, Brendon squealed and said, “guys, LOOK at that spot, let’s stop here!”

Everyone agreed, so Spencer parked the car under a canopy of trees. Brendon was the first out of the car, running around and pointing saying Jon and Spencer can sleep there by the river, and he and Ryan could sleep there by the tree. Ryan rolled his eyes and smiled as he watched Brendon explode all of his pent up energy from the car ride, explaining how they could set up the stove right there and sit around that instead of a fire pit. 

Ryan smiled again as he opened the trunk of the car to start unpacking. Jon and Spencer joined him quickly, trying to organize their stuff by where it was needed: kitchen gear or sleep stuff. Brendon appeared next to them, carrying Jon and Spencer’s tent and sleeping bags to where he assigned them, before coming back for the kitchen gear. 

Brendon was thinking that Ryan would want to sleep in the car, so he didn’t move their stuff. He was right. 

Ryan ended up throwing a small fit about the ground being dirty and how the car would be so much more comfortable and safer for them to sleep in. Brendon hid a smile as he argued with Ryan for a small moment before ‘agreeing’ to sleep in the car with him. Ryan laughed defiantly.

~ 

Later that night, around the ‘fire’ (camping stove), the old band brought out their guitars and started playing random songs together: Brendon would start strumming a random song, and Ryan would join in as Spencer started tapping along. It was just like the old days. 

Every few minutes, they would switch up the song, first by Brendon changing the basic tune, and the rest following. He was looking at Ryan, admiring how he moved with the music, how he knew his instrument so well, that he stopped paying attention to what he was doing.

Brendon switched to an “F” chord, strumming in a familiar pattern. Without thinking about it, the band all followed Brendon’s lead, transitioning to a song they all knew better than anything. Brendon had caught on to what they were playing, and decided to stay silent to wait and see what would happen. 

Like a reflex, Ryan started to sing, “if all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed, then we should throw our jewelry to the sea for diamonds do appear to be like broken glass to me,” before realizing what he was singing and stopped, a lump already forming in his throat. 

That was their song. 

The song they would sing to each other when they were stressed from touring or their relationship. 

The song they wrote together, for each other. 

A tear slipped out of Ryan’s eye and he crawled into Brendon’s lap.

Brendon whispered, “hey moon, don’t you go down,” as he hugged Ryan tighter, placing a kiss on his forehead.

Jon and Spencer were silent. They exchanged a glance, stood up, flipped the stove off and walked hand in hand to their tent.

“Hey babe, it’s okay. We are together. It’s okay. Ry. Ryan. Honey. It’s okay, I’m here,” Brendon whispered to Ryan, who was still falling apart on his lap. Brendon could hear the whispering and ocasional giggle from Jon and Spencer, which was then silenced which what he guessed to be making out. 

Ryan looked up into Brendon’s eyes. Without saying a word, he nodded and stretched his neck to meet his lips with his fiance’s. Brendon moved into the kiss, leaning down a little, and moving his hand to cup the side of Ryan’s jaw, slipping a few fingers into his hair. 

Ryan moaned. It had been less than twenty four hours since they had last made out, and here they were, in the middle of nowhere in the woods, and they couldn’t get enough of each other.

Hooking his arms around Ryan, Brendon signaled for Ryan to get ready to be lifted. Ryan wrapped his legs around Brendon’s waist, as Brendon picked him up and carried him to their palace in the car.

Brendon placed Ryan on the bumper of the open truck of the car, leaning forward so his weight was on Ryan, kissing him slowly, before backing up and staring Ryan down. 

Ryan took this invitation to scoot back into the car, and take his clothes off. Brendon just stood there, watching him, waiting for the right moment to join him. 

That moment came when Ryan was temporarily blinded by pulling his shirt over his head. Brendon saw this as the perfect opportunity to pounce onto Ryan, surprising him, and drown him in his love. 

Ryan on the other hand, wasn’t so fond of the surprise attack, and screeched as Brendon landed on his naked body.

“You two okay out there?” Spencer called.

There wasn’t an actual answer, just a loud moan coming from both Brendon and Ryan.

“Eww! You two are gross!” Jon laughed.

“Shut up,” Brendon yelled, turning his head. 

Ryan whispered, “well the mood is a little gone now. Fuckers.”

Brendon nodded, and moved to take his clothes off too, before crawling behind Ryan and becoming the big spoon in their mess of blankets. 

They sat in silence for a moment, wrapped up in each other.

Brendon’s hand slid down the length Ryan’s side, stopping at his hip, and moving towards his dick. Ryan’s breath hitched as Brendon grabbed his dick, moving his hand slowly. 

Breathing into Ryan’s ear, Brendon said, “I’ve always wanted to jerk you off from behind, I thought it would be so hot.” Ryan lay there frozen long enough for Brendon to think there wouldn’t be a reply, then Brendon felt Ryan’s soft hair moving back and forth, a nod. A yes. A go. 

With that, Brendon started to move his hand faster and faster on his finance’s cock, hips slowly moving back and forth to rub against his own hips, and hard cock, onto Ryan’s ass. 

Ryan’s breath sped up as he started to match the pace Brendon had set with his own hips.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop. Fuck,” Ryan whimpered.

Brendon sped his hand up and thrusted his hips harder, doing whatever he could do get Ryan off. Ryan gasped as he came into Brendon’s hand, going ridgid before going limp in Brendon’s arms.

“I love you”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comment if you have a question or something? idk man enjoy this though. Also sorry if there's any errors in my editing, I tried to edit it but I'm not great yet. x


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